overstimulation. is that you?

Overstimulation. Every parent/caregiver deals with it, but the full-time, parent/caregiver spends their days working through and surviving it. My hardest days as a full-time, stay at home parent involve the 24+ hours I am solo with my three children, specifically on weekends. For whatever reason, when we’re outside the normal before and after school routines, the days are just long and treacherous. Throw in multiple snow days, with exceptionally cold weather forcing us to stay indoors, maybe even while we battle the common cold, a stomach virus, or my recent favorite, my own eye injury, and the day is quite literally a hell I can’t wait to escape. I know that’s not the most positive description of parenting, but in my hardest of moments…that’s how it feels.

So, what is overstimulation JQ? I’m so glad you asked!

Overstimulation refers to a feeling of being overwhelmed and overloaded by constant sensory input. For the stay at home parent/caregiver, this constant sensory input comes from children and the home environment, resulting from the never-ending demands of childcare without a break. This constant demand can lead to feelings of stress, irritability, and exhaustion. Experiencing too much stimulation, all at once, makes it challenging to manage simple, daily tasks and maintain a sense of emotional stability.

Feeling flustered and overstimulated to the point of complete helplessness is a feeling I know all too well, and I DON’T LIKE IT! There have been many occasions where I will call or text my husband/a close friend/loved one to vent when the kids, the pets, the housework, and my never-ending duties as Director of Household Management and Childcare (I promoted myself from manager) are simply too much. I find it so incredibly challenging to dig myself out of a not so great mental space, when I feel there’s no way out other than through. I consider myself to be a highly intelligent, capable, hard working individual, but when I get in a negative headspace, I tend to think I’m failing (and I know that simply isn’t true, but it sure feels like it). I had no clue what overstimulation was until I became a parent, especially a full-time, stay at home parent.

Now that I know what overstimulation is and how it presents in my life, my goal has been to recognize it as quickly as possible, take immediate steps to decrease the sensory inputs, and practice exceptional self care. That’s where acute, self awareness comes into play. I will certainly touch on this subject, in-depth, at a future date.

When I find myself feeling overstimulated, noise-cancelling headphones and daily periods of rest/quiet time in our home have been a complete game changer. The kids some times struggle with the idea of decompressing alone, but it’s necessary when things get to be a little too much, all at once. If I’m feeling overstimulated, I know I won’t be parenting effectively not have the patience to parent my best. I’ve found it helpful to explain to my older children when I need some time to myself, as they have learned to appreciate that their mother is a person, with feelings, who also needs time to herself (we all do, damnit). Especially when every sentence starts with “Hey Mom”.

I have also prioritized spending time in my own place of refuge (our home office/gym) when I need to focus on a specific task without interruption or simply take a moment to slow down and take some deep, cleansing breaths. My yoga mat has been a welcome sight, and I am learning to just slow down and center myself when I need to find the calm amongst the chaos.

I’ve taken the time to include some key points regarding overstimulation for parents and caregivers below:

• sensory overload: the brain is bombarded by sensory inputs all at once (sights, sounds, smells, and touch), causing the feeling of being overwhelmed, hence overstimulation (too much, all at once, parent needs a break)

  • Common triggers: loud noises, messy environments, demands from children, multitasking, lack of personal time, etc. Even positive experiences like playtime, family outings, and family dinners can cause overstimulation

  • Symptoms:

    • feeling overwhelmed or “on edge”

    • irritability and mood swings

    • difficulty concentrating

    • fatigue and exhaustion

    • physical tension (muscle and body aches, pain)

    • anxiety, difficulty relaxing

  • Ways to manage overstimulation for parents/caregivers:

    • Schedule “solo time”: carve out short breaks throughout the day for restorative activities like deep breathing, meditation, or just sitting quietly. Ex.) wake up early to enjoy your morning coffee in peace, exercise/stretch while the kids are napping or having quiet time, park at school pickup early and listen to your favorite podcast or audio book.

    • Create calm spaces: create/choose a quiet space in your home you can retreat to when you feel overwhelmed. Ex.) an outdoor patio/porch/deck, a home office or gym/workout space, a comfortable chair in your master bedroom or home office. My home office is quickly becoming my indoor escape room.

    • Set boundaries: Say “no” to additional activities or requests when necessary. Ex.) I’m not a fan of busy weekends, so I don’t typically make plans that require arranging for babysitters on Saturdays or Sundays, unless it’s absolutely necessary while I’m solo parenting.

    • Limit screen time: Manage children’s screen time, and yours, to reduce sensory input. Ex.) Our children no longer use tablets while at home (except in very special circumstances), which encourages them to read and engage with other household members in a variety of activities (more on this in an upcoming post). Boredom can no longer be cured with a screen, unless they have access to a tv remote.

    • Communicate your needs: Talk to your partner or a trust member of your support network about how you’re feeling. Definitely ask for help when needed. Ex.) Limit venting, but also work towards coming up with solutions when you recognize a need. Sit down with your partner and schedule regular “breaks” for each of you, so you both have something to look forward to.

    • Seek help: Overstimulation can significantly impact your life if you don’t have healthy, coping mechanisms in place. Consider reaching out to a therapist or a support group if you feel more support would be helpful. Ex.) Speak with a therapist to identify triggers and create a plan to better support yourself in those moments. Overstimulation requires being proactive when you recognize the symptoms. Having a plan in place when you might need some extra care and support can make all the difference.
      

Parental burnout is real! If you find yourself struggling, please don’t be too hard on yourself. Raising children, maintaining a household, and trying to practice good self care is a lot of work. Finding the balance between all of the demands on your time, especially if you are working a job as well…it’s a lot. Take your scheduled breaks, eat a well-balanced diet (or as best you can), stay hydrated (I struggle with this), rest as needed, and ask for help! Lean on those who you trust to step in, so you can step away and rest.